1983

Mt Goddard.  Sierra National Forest

Cross-Country Backpacking 45 miles round trip.

10 year wedding anniversary to an abusive man who i knew since I was 14.  He beat me for 13 years.  

Had to look at this massive mountain and many others in my 20's and 30's. Emotionally I have climbed and crawled in terror through the snow at the base of these majesties vertical only and facing the eventual clawing of my fingers into the cracks that I would realize so much like searching for lost keys, hearts, love, marriage and safety.

I mounted the boulders and hung on the grey and white-masses like as to a large elephant while inhaling minerals that sucked up in my nostrils with my breathing always becoming tachypneaic and my heart would echo at the backwind. My knees cracked, bled and my will brokenly let go many times.

At last I fell to my death. Pretty blonde woman with purple eyes laying across the shards of mountain pieces. They, t h e y, all of them, said, "poor girl, never had a chance". She was doomed. An inevitable destruction, a ruin, the judgement, the condemned by the invisible condemned.

I was left lying in a maroon-black silk weave to hide the violence. The quiet was night and the night was morning and slowly the earth grabbed me and hugged me so tight I knew love. Every mineral absorbed the liquid of my colors, my sorrow, my heart. I went low, so very low. Enclosed in a beautiful fiery molten depth. Black became teal-bleu. I saw this with no eyes. I rolled and turned and twisted until the rhythm begged me to stop desiring the desperate transformation and to accept me.

Seconds to milliseconds I could feel the pushing, pulsating expulsion of this hot chamber that I was evolving in. Once again the back wind came to me and whispered that I was anew now and ready to go forward and reclaim my life and know my name. I was pressed, gently pushed, squeezed and almost believed I was suffocated until my eyes opened for the first time.

Earth birth.

Enveloped in the green, held, loved, breast-fed, sung to, admired, clothed, given good wishes. I smiled. New life ~

" 

I have been having flashbacks to my middle 20's lately and all the midwifing I did in those days.  The 1970s brought radical change to the role of a woman taking her body back from the status quo medical system and choosing Midwives to help them birth their babies at home instead of in an "operating" room.  For many of us home birth was a beautiful independent, strong and without fear experience.  I birthed my own babies 3 times in the 70s myself.  Then I went on to Midwife in the circle of a large group of commune Christians I was involved with and once that came to an end I was reaching out to the East Bay of the San Francisco Bay area where I lived. I was connected to a woman's health center in Oakland and received calls asking for a midwife, would have consultations and perform a psychosocial and physical evaluation to determine if the couple or in some instances a single woman were open and committed to home birth.  I always kept communication open between myself and the MD that I required at the time for women to continue to follow for prenatal care as well as my own monthly, weekly prenatal care so the MD would be available if transport was needed.  Many Md's at the time were supportive and did not feel threatened by the home birth movement but it was not long until into the late 70s that the OB-GYN medical association started

what we referred to as the "witch" hunts for midwives attending home births.  Statistics had it that a demise was eventual and at least once or twice a year and more into the early 80s Lay-midwives were being charged with manslaughter and we would be at another rally in support of new bills to legalize the midwife and force the issue of California having it's first Certified Midwifery program at local hospital's.  SF General finally was the 1st hospital to offer a year of Midwifery training to a Registered Nurse and Lay midwives took a back seat but kept on moving strong in their craft.  Not all of us were Rn's in those days.  I was self taught until I attended a Lay school in Santa Cruz called The "Institute of Feminine Arts and Woman Care".  I spent a year studying with the original midwives that had been "catching" babies since the 60s and had a wealth of information including general courses in main-line obstetrics without the negativity attached to it but the reality of safety and as a caregiver being able to spot the signs of any problems along the birthing path.  I so appreciated the indoctrination of a "spiritual" like midwifery approach to birthing that I learned through the institute along with the practical knowledge so important to become a wise and safe provider of home birthing care.  Also being supported and educated in the gentle and sensitive environment surrounding the birthing

Placenta ~ The "Tree of Life" view.

Mother and all involved and invited.  I also started giving childbirth classes after being certified by an organisation to create your own curriculum and offer a 6 week course on childbirth.  I would be called out in the midnight hours to Berkeley, Oakland and other cities, towns nearby and spend up to 24 hours providing comfort, encouragement, massage, respectful gentle direction to the birthing Mom and partner as we waited for this new little one to choose it's time of coming into this world.  Yes, sometimes there were difficulties but because of the pelvimetry measurements (measurement of the capacity and diameter of the pelvis, either internally or externally or both, with the hands)              
that I learned at the institute and being able to assess and monitor with the few tools I carried for the baby and mother I did not or was not part of any loss in life midwifing home births.  I did have some transports with calls to the MD ahead of time and twice resuscitated babies that had a hard time bringing in their breath.  I once delivered twins, breeches, one down syndrome and even had a baby with a massive cyst on her beautiful head which presented way before the actual head did and from the pressure opened up and let out watery fluid while working with the Mother to breath and allow the rest of the baby to birth.

Yes, breath, breath I would tell everyone in attendance along with the rhythm of Mother's breath so we all could be the best support of a calm micro-community right there in that birthing room no matter the issues.  Wonderful experiences, incredible different women and partners or not from couples who came from very straight backgrounds (one I remember the husband always wore a duck hunting cap and was not totally sure home birth was the right way to have a baby.  After my classes and seeing a thawed out placenta and realizing the strength and commitment and good health of his wife turned out to be one of the best births I ever attended.  This husband swore he would not be in the room and the wife was okay with that.  Based on my getting to know them and assessing their deep love for each other and the Mom's absolute belief in having her baby at home I accepted them for home birth.  Turned out that this Dad actually caught his own baby with my gentle instruction and held his baby first and even cut the umbilical cord.  Yay for duck hunters!).  So many stories of births, Mom's, Dad's, single women, rape victims, communist community couples and the many communes with a dozen folks attending the glorious first birth any of them had ever seen.  I even had a few chiropractors come to me on referral and attended their births while they would be adjusting the birthing Mother and me during labor.  Oh the perks!  The beautiful joy of liquid love, lovers embracing their creation in their choice of peaceful environment.  I loved those days and will always have these incredible memories along with all of my own children's births that were never interrupted with drugs, tools, medical invasive interventions not needed.  Yes, home birth is safe with all the right energies in place.  I am watching a new resurgence of young midwives, Certified Nurse Midwives attending in the homes as well as the hospitals.  We have come a long way as women and Midwives ~ Praise to us!

Blessed Natural Birth with Midwives ~

Travel to Kaua'i September 2012 ~

My first tattoo.  Artemis the Goddess of my heart ~

ARTEMIS

My story about the connection I have with Artemis started unbeknown to me at age 10 while sitting in a swing in the dark looking at the sky and catching a glimpse of the Pacific ocean as I swung high. We lived on the cliffs overlooking the ocean and this night I chose to leave my home and go swinging across the street at the school to avoid the anger in the house between my Mother and Step-Father. As I swung I cried and a bright group of stars caught my flooded eyes up in the dark night sky. Three stars with a faint fourth one nearby. Something about these stars gave me deep peace and I remember saying out loud "You three stars are mine and when I am sad or in trouble you will be there shining for me". I believed at the time that only I knew of these stars. It always seemed that I would see these three stars in times of despair or trouble and I knew that all things would work out for me. As I got older and pregnant with my first child I wanted to name the baby if a girl "Artemis," a Goddess I had heard of in the Midwifery circles I was involved with. The Father could only associate the name Artemis with a television show and the character was a man. I knew there was no naming my girl child Artemis. As it was I did have a daughter and gave her a Jewish name that the Father approved of. I did not know much about Artemis but the power of her name intrigued me and stayed with me all these years. I still clung to my three stars in good times and bad. Recently learning the story of Artemis and Orion who's belt is the three bright stars I have loved since age 10 and how Orion was killed by the Scorpion and then placed in the heavens opposite the Scorpion to keep him from being taken by Pluto associated with Hades I was struck with all of the connections to my life with these many players of the heavens. I am born a scorpio and I have taken Artemis as my Goddess the protector, lover of one man, Orion and the midwife who even as an infant midwifed her own Mother to deliver her twin brother Apollo. Interestingly my own full-blood brother and I are only 11 months apart and his birth was difficult. I feel I have come to understand after all these years that the Heavens have been calling to me, watching me, helping me and wanting me to grow into the woman strength I was intended to have. Oh, another interesting tidbit is my favorite sport at school was archery! Blessed Artemis I accept you and will take full hold of the great confidence and strength inside my soul fully for the good. I am strong and loving of the vulnerable, ready with arched bow and sharp arrow to aim high, yes high into the heavens ~

Hill Home 2

I found my new home in a wonderful bay very north in the western United States.  My little house sits up on a hill and looks out over the bay and Salish Sea.  I'm back. Back in my ocean wind and pouring rain with real coastal storms and stunning sunrises and sunsets.  The grass is green in the winter and brown in the summer.  I remember the smell of the salty air and the cry of the seagulls.  Yes, I'm home and I am happy ~

The Chakras of our Lives ~

The word chakra is Sanskrit for wheel. Chakra symbols represent the circular centers of energy, and they correspond to the nerve plexuses and organs in the physical nervous system. By focusing on these energy centers, and understanding the function of each,
we are able to balance our energies, augment areas in our lives, and even facilitate healing.


By referring to the chakra diagram at the top, and relating it to the table below, which describes the attributes for each energy center, you should get a clearer picture of what each chakra symbol represents and how each affects us differently.


The information given on this page is a basic summary. Chakra practitioners spend years learning about the healing arts relating to these intricate energy centers. If you wish to learn more about this unique realm of the human make-up, the author encourages you to begin an avid independent study.


Many individuals have chakra symbols embellished on clothing or keep these images near them in order to keep the attributes in their mind as they aspire to better balance and higher energy.

Chakra Symbol Attributes:

Name	Common Name	Location	Physical Governing	Emotional Governing	Sense	Mantra	Element	Color	Seat
Muladhara	Root Chakra	Base of spine, sacral plexus	Organs of excretion, adrenals	Survival, primal instinct	Smell	Lam	Earth	Red	Primal life force
Swadhisthana	Sacrum/Sacral Chakra	Genitals, fluids	Gonads, reproductive organs	Self-acceptance, emotion, sexual energy	Taste	Vam	Water	Orange	Creativity
Manipura	Solar Plexus Chakra	Navel	Pancreas, abdominal organs	Self-will, mental acuity, sense of identity	Sight	Ram	Fire	Yellow	Subconscious emotion, ego, will
Anahata	Heart Chakra	Heart area	Thymus, lungs	Compassion, love, healing	Touch	Yam	Air	Green	Love
Vishudha	Throat Chakra	Laryngeal pluxus	Thyroid	Self-expression, speech	Hearing	Ham	Ether	Blue	Creative expression, communication
Ajna	Third Eye Chakra	Between the eyebrows	Pituitary gland	Intuition, extra sensory perception	Sixth sense, higher mind	Aum	Time	Indigo	Primordial power
Sahasrara	Crown Chakra	Top/crown of head, brain	Pineal gland	Divinity, peace, enlightenment	Beyond sensory	-	Space	Violet	Liberation, All Power, eternal bliss

Sour is the New Sweet - Diablo Magazine - June 2011 - East Bay - California

Rachel's shop in Berkeley ~

Sour is the New Sweet - Diablo Magazine - June 2011 - East Bay - California

Saturday Writing Chap One ~ June 2011

Saturday Writing Chap. One ~

by Patti Kirkpatrick on Saturday, June 4, 2011 at 11:12am

Eh hem... I thought I would share my thoughts on the various subjects I post on my FB Wall with you all .. my friends. I am a global person... I've spent my life experiencing life from homelessness as a child to a "Brady Bunch" family style to living in various communes as a young teen to a young adult. I've known religion-period. I've seen things no child should have ever seen and I have experienced joy at viewing the heavens from the mountain of a redwood forest to the ocean sleeping on it's bed of micro-glass sand cushioning my wandering body and mind.

I once was chosen to be a cheerleader in school that had me blissfully buoyant walking the school hallways 2 feet off the ground in the face of the rich girls who did't make it and of whom I actually felt bad for until a history teacher yanked on some invisible string that pulled me down to the dirty earth of the feet of those "rich" girls and stripped my cheer from me for TALKING TOO MUCH... Yep. I "talked too much in class. Imagine that. What the hell else were cheerleaders supposed to be like but TALKERS? I never cheered for the "system" again. Instead I thankfully held my holy solicitous nature intact. Anger never lasted long with me, sometimes seconds sometimes longer but always replaced when I witnessed or heard someone else suffering.

So yes... I found my "cheer" again. Through all of the changes in my life, the moves - I went to 27 public schools in my 12 years of required education and never actually graduated. My cheer took years to evolve and find places to revolt and speak and shake pom poms in the invisible gases that make up the atmosphere and jump, yell, TALK I shall. Then I became a nurse. That's that "holiness" I so wanted to share. When a grade school child I had an abalone shell with a cross of little statue of a man named "Jesus" in it. Someone told me I could marry him when I grew up. My intention from that day forward was to be a nun. Or a secretary or an anthropologist. I searched through the back of magazines and found these ads for joining a "nunnery" back east and I wrote a letter to one in 4th grade. My Mother received a response back from the nuns that said I had to be 14 to decide "Jesus" was for me. My Mother lovingly explained this to me me with a slight scolding to please ask her before I decide to "commit" myself. Then my dear Mother who struggled horribly with her own demons answered a question for me that stays with me to this day: I asked her how will I know when I am called to be a nun and to marry Jesus? Her answer was "You will just know I promise, it will come to you in a time maybe many times that you will recognize, I promise". This settled my anxiety about marring Jesus. If he was to call me I would hear the telephone ring for sure and it would be for me because in those days telephones were never rung for children.

So after I threw the cheerleading suit away I joined a group of new friends that acted like they lived in heaven which was the only place I wanted to be. Of course this state of mind took going to a local coffee house sitting in the dark listening to the Jefferson Airplane singing my favorite song "Lazarus" (of course it would be the one who Jesus loved and raised from the dead). Try that one on Mescaline. Sharing little pink, yellow and of course purple haze pills and wearing robes of many colors made us acceptable to be in the crowd. Hair became the new statement against the establishment... Still is. I have to interject here that I still hold Crosby responsible for lying through his teeth saying.. singing.. "I almost cut my hair".. Meh... He cut his fucking hair or it wouldn't be that same exact length it has been since 1968! I know these things. I was there. Saw the "boys" when they returned from Woodstock my Mother would not allow me to hitchhike too when they came back all stoked and did their first concert in Goleta, CA not far from San Luis Obispo where I lived with my Grandparents. Had to lie about that little weekend trip too. Ummmm Mom... Cecelia here wants me to go camping with her family in Isla Vista, Ca for the weekend, okay? The vodka in the coffee cup said sure darrrrllingg... Have a wonderful time. I had these psychedelic silk-like bell-bottom pants and a band in my long hair with the round dark glasses that a friend loaned me. I didn't drink alcohol, I hated the smell of it and pot just made me feel stupid so my source of ascending and mind expanding was dependent on shrooms, mescaline (my fav) and an occasional LSD. Although I preferred doing LSD in a circle of friends... It was more enlightening that way and if somebody started to go off somewhere ugly we were all able to pull them back in and have them "maintain" until time passed and we landed our little spaceship back on Mother earths wildflower garden.

The "Boys" were groovy and Young came along too. They were so high that they were sharing their dope with us! Fantastic second concert I had attended at that point in my 14 years. The first group was Strawberry Alarm Clock... I'll let you figure that out on your own. Concert over and one more night to go we headed back to the that "official " campsite area and some of the friends went through the campers iceboxes and "borrowed" frozen steaks" but of course left some for the families to share together. We never took everything. Back in the little town of Isla Vista or Santa Barbara or somewhere. We went and sat on the city Hall concrete stairs of which there were many of to get to the top. We settled for the middle landing. The cops were being pretty cool. Everybody was walking the streets laughing and flashing the peace sign and we were rapping about how cool the concert was when I don't know who it was to this day that said something that made me laugh so hard that my silky bell-bottoms started to feel real warm and then a stream of fluid started to flow down the concrete City Hall stairs... one stair after the other. I peed like an elephant and could not stop, nor could I or the other 13 hippies sitting there stop laughing either. Somehow we got up and made our way saying "Hi" to a cop s we exited the steps of city hall trailing drops of urine all along the way. Believe me if they wanted to find us they had more than a trail of bread crumbs to follow for sure. Now it was time to go to the beach and make afire and cook steaks and have me stand on a windy sand dune to dry out before one of the angry parents came to pick us up (80 miles away from home). We still laughed hard in the back seat of the station wagon all the way home.

My Mom moved us Back to San Francisco to get me away from the bad "influence" and drugs that seem to be quite prevalent in southern California. I'm still laughing, Goddess bless her dear soul.

This brings me to pause my reason for even starting this writing in the first place. Wanting you all to know why I am so diverse in my post subjects.

Part two... Later.

"Shroom" socks ~

LIVE Fukushima HELL ~

Will Fukushima’s Next Earthquake Start A Global Extinction Event?

Will Fukushima’s Next Earthquake Start A Global Extinction Event?

My Daughter's Prom Night ~